Systeme D

14 March 2007

Response from the Defence Muppet and Foreign Muppet

"The e-petition asking the Prime Minister to 'champion the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, by not replacing the Trident nuclear weapons system' has now closed. This is an email response from the Foreign Secretary, Margaret Beckett, and the Defence Secretary, Des Browne."

In which it says:

"But it just isn't realistic to think that if we decided to let our deterrent lapse, or even completely disarm unilaterally tomorrow, this would make any difference to the efforts of countries like Iran and North Korea to acquire a nuclear capability."

Can I abbreviate that, perhaps? Maybe to something like: "Nothing we can do will make any difference to the efforts of countries like Iran and North Korea to acquire a nuclear capability."

So If It's Not Going To Make Any Difference Anyway, Let's Go For The Cheap Option Which Doesn't Involve Killing People.

Only a suggestion.

Of course, the downside is that - if we didn't replace Trident - we wouldn't be able to kill all the Iranians after they have just killed all of us. I don't see this as a great loss, but then, I am probably not quite as insecure about the size of my penis as Tony Blair appears to be about his.

Comments

I heard a minister a few weeks ago defending this decision but adding 'of course, we'd never use it'. Again: if you'd never use it, why spend £20bn on it?! If I buy something and then never use it, I sell it on eBay eventually. Can we expect to see 'One Trident nuclear weapons system. Brand new. Never feel ashamed at the urinal again. Bids starting at £20.'

Posted by Jon on 15.3.07 08:29

Well, quite. I'm reminded of the "burglar alarm" we had back in Oakham many, many years ago. It wasn't a £400 burglar alarm, it was a £20 metal box with "Burglar Alarm" written on the side in convincing-looking Helvetica. Maybe Mr Inadequate Trousersnake Blair could buy a nuclear "deterrent" of the same design.

Actually, knowing this Government's reputation for procurement, I suspect they'll pay £20bn for a fully-functioning system and just get the hollow shell instead. But since they're never going to use it, no-one will be any the wiser.

Posted by Richard on 16.3.07 15:54

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